The Love I Tried to Find

I finally saw myself clearly, and it changed everything.

What am I doing?

I declared myself done with love.
Done with the ache, the unraveling, the illusion.
I told myself I would stay in the shallows,
no more diving into the deep.
And yet, here I am.
Questioning. Changing. Feeling.

Isn’t that a betrayal of my own rules?

I am no schoolgirl lost in naive dreams.
I am a woman, weathered, wise, and supposed to be beyond such follies.
But am I falling for him?
On what grounds?
Where did my logic flee,
leaving behind only this raw, uncharted emotion?

Feeling.
It is such an alien concept,
yet it wrapped itself around me like a warm tide.
It felt good,
to be adored,
to be seen for who I truly am.
No masks. No edits.
Just me.

He said he liked me like that.
And I believed him.
I let myself bask in that warmth.
But it was a mirage.
He did not stay.
And the pain that followed reminded me why I had closed the door in the first place.

Still,
through the hurt,
he unknowingly handed me a mirror.
And in it, I saw something I had not dared to name.
I yearn for love.
Not just touch, not just presence,
but adoration.
A connection that is uniquely mine.

For a fleeting moment, I thought he was my soulmate.
I felt it.
But it was not real.
And yet, the ache he left behind carved out a truth I could not ignore.

I want love.
I want to be chosen.
I want to be seen and stayed with.

And then,
he came.
The one who stayed.
He did not arrive with fanfare,
but with honesty, laughter, and a kind of giving that made me dizzy.
He turned my world upside down
and made me feel again,
hard, fast, and holy.

I was terrified.
But I said yes.
To him.
To us.
To myself.

Because I deserve this.
Because I am not unreachable.
Because I am not too much.

Because I am ready.

By Eve

This work is protected, not to guard the wound, but to honor the healing it dared to begin.
Because even the softest yes deserves to echo without shame.
© 2025 Notesformysoulmate. All rights reserved.

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