Embracing the Torrent: The Courage to Feel

“I’m not afraid of drowning. I’m afraid of feeling.” —Elowen

Is it time?
To stop holding it in?
To let the dam crack and the flood come for me?

Today, I am full—
of grief, of rage, of something I can’t name.
It’s pressing against my ribs like a scream I swallowed too long ago.

I used to think if I let it out, it would never stop.
That I’d drown in it.
But maybe it’s not the flood I fear.
Maybe it’s the feeling.
The raw, unfiltered, uncurated truth of being human.

They call me strong.
They say I don’t break.
But they don’t see the way I run from my own heart.
How I’ve built walls so high, even I can’t climb them.

But faith—
faith is the thread I keep wrapped around my wrist.
It whispers that I’m held, even when I’m unraveling.

I don’t stand tall for me.
I stand because they need me to.
Because someone has to be the lighthouse when the sky goes black.

So I stay.
I breathe.
I let the ache move through me without apology.

This isn’t about being okay.
It’s about being real.

And if the flood comes—
let it come.
I’ll meet it barefoot, eyes open, heart cracked wide.

@notesformysoulmate

This piece is protected—not to dam the waters, but to honor the one who dared to feel them.
Elowen stands here—soaked, shaking, and still sacred.
© 2025 Notesformysoulmate. All rights reserved.